How many girls want to be Sex in the City

How many girls want to be Sex in the City goes with the question How many girls want to be models?

I ask myself this question alot lately especially with all the listeners I get on my modeling podcasts and readers on my modeling blogs and my youtube videos. It is hard not to face that model-ism, goes with commercial'ism, and the obsession with reality TV, they all are a family.

The internet is to blame I think for alot of the obession over fame that girls have.

I also think Sex in the City is to blame for making so many judgemental eyes stare at you on the subway. And street, and anywhere!

I always feel judged. Someone glancing at my shoe, at my handbag, at my cell phone, wondering what I am writing in my journal.

This is what I wrote today, "I grew up on garage sale clothes, mom made dinner, the credit card couldn't save us. Even today to Upstate families and in many places in America $40 comes with the word expensive when talking about some things.
It is true you can live your life looking at your reflection in crystal vases, cashmere and a made-up face, but these were not terms of my childhood. I ask not "what do you do, or what did you recently purchase," but..what will you have left for the world? how do you treat it? Do you live but not think about the land you strut upon in those shoes? I feel like I am the only one who smiles on the train. Not with a naive face but because people judge. In my outfit today I might look upper class, classy, out of Gossip Girl or something. I smile to their eyes because I am not that girl inside. (I don't watch that show anyways)

I smile at the old lady judging teenagers with iPods and swear words on the train, and me as I look in the mirror to check my mascara. I smile at the delivery boy in the elevator, most girls/woman in my building would smerk, ignore him during the ride up, I smile, because for some crazy reason maybe my little smile will give him confidence to keep striving in this crazy thing called life. Or remind some folks, it's not always what you might think."